At one of the Bible studies, somebody raised a very good question: how do we trust God like what church and the Bible teach us while at the same time, the culture in the world we live in constantly encourages us to plan ahead? I personally don’t see any conflict between these two, and I truly believe that we should plan out our lives. To trust God doesn’t mean not to plan out anything, but it means to continue to love Him, serve Him, and not get angry at Him when things don’t go according to our plan. Without a plan, how can we achieve our dreams? Without dreams, how can we live out life to the fullest? It’s not only O.K but also good to dream, to chase after our dreams, and to plan it out ahead of time to touch the sky. God wouldn’t want us to live a life with no purpose, no direction, and no goal. If our plan matches His plan, things will go smoothly with peace in our heart. But if our plan doesn’t match His, sometimes He let the plan come through anyway to teach us to trust Him and understand that His way is better. Sometimes, it just won’t even happen at all because He’s trying to protect us from the harm ahead that we can’t see with our human eyes. Trust, just like love, needs to be taught through experience, not theological teachings. It’s like building blocks, one stone at a time, and each time we’re getting stronger and stronger in our faith and trust in God after each experience, each trial, each stone. I truly believe with all my heart that if it’s God’s will, if He promises me something, as long as I do my part, He will do His part.

The Bible is full of examples of how God fulfill His promises. When man does their part, God will do His. When man doesn’t do their part, God still remains faithful with His promises, but there will be consequences. God promised David, through Samuel, to be king over Israel. David did his part by going after God’s own heart, facing Goliath with no fear, and having mercy toward Saul. So God honored His promise to give him popularity among the people, strength to kill Goliath, victories in battles, and eventually kingship in Israel. The difference between David becoming king and the stereotype of climbing the ladder in corporate world is that when it’s God’s plan, He delivered kingship into David’s hands versus when it’s man’s plan, they do whatever it takes to get to the throne despite all of the people getting hurt in the process. One success is God-made, the other is man-made. One is God’s plan, the other is man’s plan. David didn’t become king because he killed Saul to climb to the throne. He had mercy on Saul to let him go, but Saul took his own life in battle, so the people of Israel urged David to be their king. Because it is God’s promise for David to be king and David did his part to honor God to live in righteousness, God remained faithful to deliver the throne into David’s hands through the circumstances around him. David couldn’t control Saul to die in battle; he couldn’t make the Israelites anoint him to be king. He only focused on his relationship with God, so God planned the situation around him to bring him to the throne of Israel. Through all of this, one battle at a time, David experienced his trust and love for God as well as God’s faithfulness and love for him, so his faith has grown throughout the process.

Another example in the Old Testament is Moses (I’m particularly thankful for the opportunity to see the live theater story of Moses in Branson MO, what a good way to end my green card celebration!). God promised Moses through the burning bush that He would use Moses to deliver Israel from slavery. Moses did his part by facing Pharaoh with no fear, working with Aaron, and getting out of his comfort zone to speak up in front of the Jews. But there were a lot of things Moses couldn’t control, so God did His part to send down the ten plagues, part the sea, provide manna from heaven, and lead them through the desert. Again this is how we know it’s God’s plan: it’s His timing, everything works together, and the circumstances around just fit perfectly into the promise He has made and fulfilled.

God’s promises and fulfillment don’t stop in the Old Testament. Fast forward to the New Testament, God promised Peter to make him the fisher of man. Peter had to do his part to travel to different countries, preach the gospel, pray without ceasing, love others, and face death with no fear. So God honored that and did His part to protect him on the mission, guide his steps, send out the Holy Spirit, break the jail cell, and move people’s hearts to accept the gospel. Through all of this, I bet Peter’s trust and love for God also grew, just like David’s and Moses’. Again trust and love have to be taught through experience. Once we experience first hand God’s faithfulness and love for us personally, we can’t help it but to trust and love Him back because that perfect, unconditional love just outflows in our heart.

My faith may not be as strong as David’s, Moses’, and Peter’s, but God has graciously given me the opportunity to personally experience His faithfulness and unconditional love to draw me closer to Him, to help me understand Him more and know Him better. He gave me the promises of the scholarship and green card, through my dad. There were so many trials during the process, including the sins of my own, but God has remained faithful through all of it to deliver the scholarship and green card into my hands when the time was right. I did my part, and He did His. But even better, not only He did His part, He also helped me to do my part with the Holy Spirit in me. “I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength” (Philippians 4: 12-13). Through all of this, I learn to trust and love God more; my faith gets stronger after each trial and each fulfilled promise. I made my plans; sometimes they came true, and sometimes they didn’t. But I’m so thankful that my goals match God’s vision for my life, so at the end, all of the pieces fall into place and we both reached the goals. I don’t know His master plan for my life and what is ahead of me, but I’m so excited to continue this journey with Him. Sometimes I look back at the past but not to condemn myself of my own sins and mistakes. I look back at who I was to be thankful for who I am today. I remember what I did to be thankful for His forgiveness and faithfulness throughout the process. I think about what we’ve gone through together to be thankful for what we have today, not just the scholarship and the green card, but more importantly I’m thankful for the kind of relationship we have today, for the love that we have for one another though His love is much bigger than mine. So we shouldn’t turn around to condemn ourselves of the past, but we should look back at who we were to be thankful for who we are today. Then we will have the heavenly peace and joy to live out the present and enjoy the journey with no more fear. At that point, we have confidence to face the future because our hope is grounded in Christ so that we can live our life to the fullest. “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid” (John 14:27).

“There is no fear in love. But perfect love casts out fear because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. We love because he first loved us” (1 John 4: 18-19). When Jesus conquered death, He took away the biggest fear of all disciples: the fear of death. There they were made perfect in love because they no longer lived in fear. Instead they lived out their livest to the fullest as they spread the gospel; they loved and served God first as they loved and served each other and those around them. They did their part to keep Jesus’ commands for them: “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another” (John 13: 34-35). As they did their part, God dis His part to provide everything they need, not only earthly things but also heavenly wisdom, boldness, and compassion to do His will. “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own” (Matthew 6: 33-34). “But when they arrest you, do not worry about what to say or how to say it. At that time you will be given what to say, for it will not be you speaking, but the Spirit of your Father speaking through you” (Matthew 10: 19-20). We can’t fully know God until we get in heaven to see His full glory, but when we’re on this earth, we can still be made perfect in love to live our life without fear.

As I continue to plan and prepare for Harvard, I will continue to do my part and trust that God will do His part. If Harvard never comes true, I’m O.K with it. I’m not angry at Him because I’m already so thankful for what I have, for what He has delivered into my hands, for what He has graciously given me. Harvard is just icing on the cake; I already tasted how delicious the cake is, so anything above that is just additional. It’s what I want, not what I need. God is what and who I need. And I’m so thankful that I have Him already. Just like how God took away the biggest fear of the disciples, the fear of death, He also took away my biggest fear, the fear of deportation. Because of this, I no longer live in free; I’m free from fear. So now I have the peace and joy to cherish every moment of the journey in the present with courage, hope, and excitement to face the future ahead of me. Now I can finally live my life to the fullest and chase after my dreams. Before I was simply walking, now I’m running, and hopefully in three years, I’ll be able to fly toward my dreams. But I didn’t do it alone nor will I ever have to do it alone because God’s been there through every single step and He will continue to be there with me. I learned that when I run before Him, I typically, if not always, fall because I can’t see the speed bumps ahead of me. So this time I don’t want to run before Him anymore. I want to walk behind Him so that He’ll protect me; I want to walk side by side with Him so that He’ll hold my hands. That’s how I know if something is God’s will in my life or not. He will protect and guide me through the process if I do it with Him. But if I run ahead of Him or go my own way and do my own things, I’ll stumble and fall, and it hurts! When everything falls into place, that’s evidence the destination is God’s plan. Before the green card came into reality, there were many proofs: internship at a good company with connection to local business leaders; sponsorship from the employer (this one is quite obvious!); all of the people around me (my co-worker, the girl at Bible study, the Uber driver in LA) all got the green card throughout my immigration process. Using the same logic, as I’m planning and preparing for Harvard, I also see several pieces fall into place and there are evidences throughout the process: Northwestern, PE job title, scholarship fund, etc.

But this time will be different. Last time as we fought the immigration battle together for the scholarship and the green card, I did that out of fear and I lived in that fear everyday. This time as I’m preparing for Harvard, I’m doing it out of love because my faith now is much stronger than before, because I trust God more and know Him better, because I have learned and grown so much in Scripture, because now I know what it means to be a disciple instead of a mere Christian. Tears of despair and hopelessness of the past will be replaced with tears of thankfulness and overwhelming grace and love this time. Fear of the past will be trembled with joy and excitement this time. No more fear! No more living in fear! This time and from now on only living in love, the perfect unconditional love of Christ! This time will be different: I will enjoy and cherish every single moment on this journey as we walk toward Harvard together with perfect love, stronger faith, and no more fear. I will run after my dreams and live my life to the fullest! Living my life to the fullest doesn’t mean YOLO like what the world says. Instead right now as I’m living my life to the fullest, I’m living out the Scripture I’ve learned from the Bible. I keep God’s word in my heart so that I can truly experience it everyday on my walk with Him. So far I’m very thankful for the experiences I have had and the lessons I have learned from these verses. But it doesn’t end there; I’m still trying, learning, and doing my best to live them out everyday.

• Daniel 3 God is the Lord Most High with His sovereignty over all man and all things on earth. No Nebuchadnezzar, no tyrant, no political figure is too big for Him. No one can touch me if God protects me. No one can alter His plan in my life as long as I remain faithful to Him and obey Him to do my part. I choose to honor Him regardless of all circumstances around me.
• John 8: 1-11 the story of the adulterous woman
• Psalm 56: 3-4 “When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. In God whose word I praise – in God I trust and am not afraid. What can mere mortals do to me?”
• John 13: 34-35 “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”
• Philippians 4: 12-13 “I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.”
• 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7 “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others; it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preservers.”
• 1 John 4: 18 “There is no fear in love. But perfect love casts out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.”
• 1 Samuel 17:37 “The Lord who rescued me from the paw of the lion and the paw of the bear will rescue me from the hand of this Philistine.”
• Hebrews 11:1 “Faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.”
• 1 Corinthians 6: 19-20 “Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.”
• 1 John 1:9 “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.”
• Psalm 32:8 “I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my loving eye on you.”
• Psalm 119: 11 “I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you.”
• Psalm 139: 23-24 “Search me God and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting” (I don’t pray this prayer a lot, but whenever I do, God always answers this prayer very quickly,  typically within 24 hours!).
• Romans 10: 9-10 “If you declare with your mouth, ‘Jesus is Lord,’ and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with you heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you profess your faith and are saved.”