The phrase “speak the truth in love” from the verse “Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ” (Ephesians 4:15) is one of the many verses that have been misused a lot in the world today, both inside and outside the church. Most people stop at the “speak the truth in love” part and never finish the verse to “grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ.” The purpose of speaking the truth in love has to be growth, meaning that whatever we say to our brothers and sisters in Christ, it should lift up them to help them grow. If the purpose is not right, the consequences are negative, and the action is not just. To speak the truth in love is not just how you say it, it’s also why you say it. What is your intent to speak that truth to your brothers and sisters? Is it to lift them up or put them down? Is it to serve you or God and the other person? If a brother is growing and serving God and you get jealous, you may point out to them their negative traits and sins in the past. When that happens, you may want to ask yourself: by me saying these things, am I helping them to grow? Do I lift them up? Is my heart right with God? Is my motive pure for saying these things? Does my intent come from jealousy or compassion and love?

The first part “speak the truth” has to be dealt with carefully. It’s ok to point out the negative aspects of the individual, but again is it for a good purpose? If a brother is sinning, it’s our duty to point it out to him. Conviction is hard. It hurts but it also brings a sense of joy and peace because there’s a hope of forgiveness through Christ. If the brother wants to improve a certain skill or if he’s not doing something so well, it’s ok to point it out what you think can help him improve. So that’s the good kind of speaking the truth. However, if we bring up the sins in the past, we may do so because we listen to Satan’s lies out of our jealousy and anger toward the brother. Once we sincerely confess our sin and ask God for forgiveness, the blood of Christ washes the sin away. It’s gone, deleted, forgotten, erased, washed away, past tense, no more, as if the sin has never happened. The only one that will ever bring it up again is Satan to hurt us, to make us feel guilty and shameful because he cannot stand the fact that we have gone back to God and turned away from that sin. God will NEVER bring it up again to hold us accountable for that sin. So when you “speak the truth” by pointing out somebody’s past sin, you’re not doing God’s will. You’re doing the opposite of God’s will, you’re doing Satan’s will because you listen to Satan’s lies instead of God’s voice. Another way this is misused is when we point out the negativity of an individual for no good reason. For example, if a brother is called to teach a Bible study, you may get jealous and give him all of the reasons why he’s not a good fit for the job: he’s shy, not good at public speaking, not have enough knowledge, too young for the job, etc. These things may be true, so you can cover it by saying you’re speaking the truth. But in reality, the action is unjust because you’re not doing this to help him grow and to serve God. You’re doing this to bring him down out of your jealousy and anger.

That leads to the second part of the verse: IN LOVE. Every good thing we do has to be in love. Otherwise, there’s no meaning. “If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres” (1 Corinthians 13: 1-7). So when we speak the truth to somebody (point out their sin, negativity, or anything else), we have to ask ourselves the following questions based on this instruction from God:

•  What is the intent of the truth you’re speaking? Does it come from love or jealousy and anger?
• Do you speak out of faith in God or faith in yourself?
• Do you speak up to help the brother or to boast about yourself? Do you lift them up? Or do you put them down so that you can feel better about yourself, so that you can be above them, so that you can satisfy your pride and jealousy?
• Are you being patient?
• Are you being kind?
• Are you jealous and prideful? Is it about your ego or their growth?
• Does it put them down to boast you up?
• Do you listen to God’s voice or Satan’s whisper of lies to your ears when you speak the truth?
• Do you protect them from sins, harm, and lies?
• Do you give them hope?
• Do you encourage them to persevere?

Most of the times we don’t realize the power of the tongue. Words can encourage and lift somebody up, but at the same time they can destroy an individual. God calls for unity; Satan calls for division. The devil can whisper lies into our ears to turn us against each other. He doesn’t like Christians, and his goal is to tear us apart. Sometimes when we’re not careful, we become his assistant by listening to his lies and acting it out. When a brother is serving God and you speak the truth out of jealousy, a couple things happen. First, you probably listen to Satan’s lies and actually believe it. So between you and God, you need to reconcile by turning away from Satan, closing your ears on him, and instead listening to God’s voice. Second, between you and the brother, you have done him wrong. So you need to come to him and ask for his forgiveness. Third, between the brother and God, he needs to ignore what you say and only listen to what God says. This is the test of his faith. Will he listen to his friend or his God? The book of Job is a good example here. Will he persevere and continue to do God’s work: teach a Bible study, lead a ministry, join the worship team, serve for a great cause, etc.? Or will he have a self-pity party and quit? That’s the decision we each have to make. And when you make these decisions, ask yourself this:  when I stand before God and see Him face to face, what kind of discussions will we have about the decision I make today?

A good friend, also a sister in Christ, recently “spoke the truth” to me out of jealousy. It was discouraging, and it hurt. I cried about it and asked God for direction. It didn’t take Him long to answer that prayer. Immediately the Holy Spirit delivered the truth in many ways; all of them are in love! So I chose to ignore what my friend said; I chose to serve God by teaching the Bible study.